The Assumption That Almost Cost Me a Partnership
I couldn’t believe it. A wave of irritation took over me as I read the email.
A partner client — let’s call him Jack — had asked me to customize a program and deliver it in Spanish in Argentina and Mexico. I agreed, but given the additional work, I asked for a higher rate. He admitted he hadn’t built that into his agreement with the client, so I suggested a simple solution: he could adjust his margin to account for the customization, and once the client saw the value, he could renegotiate later.
It seemed reasonable to me. I felt good about how I had framed it. Clear, fair, forward-looking.
Then… nothing.
Days passed. I began making travel arrangements, assuming we had an understanding.
When Jack finally replied a week and a half later, his email was long and carefully worded. He explained why he couldn’t meet my rate.
Of course I was disappointed with the answer, but what made me angry was his delay in answering me.
My first interpretation:
He’s trying to pressure me. He’s taking advantage of the fact that I’ve already committed.
I felt tempted to push back or tell him to find someone else on short notice.
But...I caught myself.
Instead of reacting, I decided to step back and look at the situation through a different lens.
Jack was not a natural communicator. He could be awkward. What if the delay wasn’t manipulation, but discomfort? What if he simply didn’t know how to deliver bad news?
I chose to test a more generous interpretation.
I replied that I understood his position and would still deliver the program. Then I added something else. I told him honestly that the delay had left me confused and disappointed, and that quicker communication would help our collaboration. I framed it as feedback because I valued the relationship.
His response was immediate. He apologized sincerely. He said making me feel dismissed was never his intention.
Then he surprised me. He agreed to the higher rate and told me the partnership mattered more than the percentage.
Same situation. Different narrative. Completely different outcome.
The Leadership Lens
Our brains are remarkably efficient at detecting threats, especially in situations where timing, tone, or expectations feel off. A delayed response or a vague message can easily be interpreted as disrespect, indifference, or even bad faith. Once we settle on that interpretation, our tone shifts and our patience shortens.
What I see in many of the teams I work with is that tension is often driven less by what actually happened and more by the story that forms around it. When we move from certainty (“they’re doing this to me”) to a more open question (“what else could be going on here?”), we create space for a more constructive response.
Reframing doesn’t make you naïve or demand that you overlook poor behavior. It’s more about giving yourself a moment to respond to the situation, rather than reacting to an assumption that may or may not be accurate.
Untangling Tips
1) Challenge your first storyline
Your first interpretation is often emotional, not analytical. Ask: What are two other possible explanations?
2) Share impact without accusation
“I felt confused by the delay” lands very differently than “You left me hanging.”
3) Address the relationship directly
Naming that you value the collaboration signals maturity and often invites reciprocity.
A Closing Reflection
Not every conflict requires a dramatic resolution. Sometimes it requires a quieter skill: the ability to revise the story in your head before you write the email.
A small shift in narrative can protect a working relationship that would otherwise erode over time.
Because in leadership, the quality of your relationships shapes the quality of your results.
From the Untangling Communication series — reflections drawn from my work with leaders and the ideas explored in my book, Untangling Communication: How Leaders Can Strengthen Communication, Resolve Conflict, and Build High-Performing Teams. Available on Amazon.